Part of the reason that I watch what I do, is because I feel a connection to it. Which means watching very little categories of, stupid comedies or sci-fi, and definitely, no horror! Currently, I’m watching a family that has fallen into a Catfish situation. (Another show I watch pretty regularly 🙂 I don’t know how people fall into that trap, but I have experienced a lying cheater . The only positive about such situations, is that, you can learn from them, which only makes you stronger.
The cheater hit on me at a bar, while he was away from home. He was in the military and there was little holding me back. I was single, at the time, and on a streak of serial dating. By that, I mean, I was finding men, dating them for short periods, then letting them go, and continuing to do the same thing to the next guy. My flings lasted anywhere from two dates, two weeks, to two months. (Yes, I do have a thing for the number 2!) I was at least a decade or more younger than I am now, and have to say, at that age, I wasn’t the wisest.
It’s hard to put into words, that I have been someone who has struggled with my self confidence my entire life. And that “eye” from a guy, was enough for me to believe they had an interest. To me, it meant more than that though. I was looking, almost begging, for this small amount of attention. It was all it took, for me to latch onto! In my head, it was the opportunity to get to know someone new, and just maybe, there was the possibility of a romantic interest. (Oh how naïve I was!) But sometimes we are so blinded by our inner demons/emotions, that we don’t do the proper homework.(aka – true reality)
Now, I’m not saying that doing your homework will get you what you want. But I’m starting to think that it’s more about timing or the situation, or your mindset, or just knowing they are “right”! (I can’t confirm that’s what I have with my boyfriend yet, but I’m starting to believe it, more and more. 😉 To some degree, I think that it’s easier to spot the bad, than the good. And I had been dealing with the bad for so long. I’d find the littlest annoyance to leave a guy for, and being with a cheater was a BIG one!
Please know, that I was, in the simplest sense, being Catfished. A term that defines, someone who is led on by false pretenses. It’s not that he lied about who he was, but he certainly wasn’t truthful about being married! There was no ring on his finger, that’s not hard to hide. But the fact, that he invited me back to his base and had to hide me. He knew that all his other brigade soldiers might have given away his sly secret.
SO, how did I find out… That’s a story in itself. But I’ll tell you now, you don’t need to wait for it. It was just a random day, that I get a call from Missouri. I didn’t recognize the number at all, but answered anyway. The woman, who was on the other end, confessed to me, “I think my fiancé is cheating on me, and I found your number in his phone.” I was not only shocked, but completely apologetic.
Our conversation lasted only a short while, but it had a profound affect on both of us. (I hope!) I tried my best to convince her to leave him. Literally go somewhere, to get away from him. No one deserves to be with a cheater! During the call, I learned they had bought a house together. But I could help by think of her standing at the kitchen island, talking to me, a woman who had actually messed around with her man. There force that pushed me, hopefully led her to flee from their house to a family or friend she could stay with.
It is, to this day, not something I’m proud to say I did. Yet from this experience, I have definitely learned my lesson. The guy was a creep! The kind of person no one should be or have to encounter. This has been the biggest lesson that I have learned over all my years. These are the types of men, you need to stay away from. And I know that you are expecting me to tell you how to spot them. Yet, the truth is, I obviously can’t!
In short, this is as much as I can tell you… Give up on someone who is not willing to talk on the phone or meet you in person. Beyond that, which I hope is actually obvious, don’t engage those who have the limited ability to talk to you or try to keep you from meeting friends or family. And at last, I keep a 3 contact rule! If you have contacted them 3 times, I hope not in one day, that they are not interested in you. So, just move on… I can promise there is someone better for you.