Am I selfish…

It was my brother’s birthday dinner, we went out for pizza. And no he’s not twelve, it was an upscale joint, his favorite, in fact. That’s truly beside the point though! With my immediate family there, I was fearing it. There was no way to get out of it, and to be honest, I was excited to tell them.

See, my now fiancé and I had tabled the discussion about where or who would be moving for about 6 months. I wanted us to talk to our own family and friends. Sit in our own minds to determine what was the best plan for us. And when he and I finally had our discussion about our future, we come to the most reasonable agreement.

The plan is that I will move to Florida. When we told his mother, she dropped her jaw! But I was no committing to moving in with him. That’s where the judgment comes in. See, I thought that if I move 1,485 miles for him, no matter where I was in FL, he could move to be with me. I did not decide this because I didn’t want to be with him. Rather, I wanted him to prove that I meant more to me than his family.

Now, let me clear the judgment that you have right now. I love my family and they have always been there for me. Leaving them is the biggest fear that I have. Yet, I am willing to be far from them in order to be closer to him. Heck, a 3 hour drive is better and cheaper, than a 3 hour plane ride. Something my mother completely failed to understand. Thankfully, my fiancé did, he agreed to our terms and so I will be moving south soon.

But back to the night at hand, we were all just waiting for the pizza to arrive. And I’m explaining the plan, that my, at the time, boyfriend and I had come to agree on. By 2018, I would move to FL, which is where he lives. I don’t know where in FL I’m going to end up, because I will have to figure out where I can find a job. And wherever I will live, will be close to my job, because I don’t want a long commute. In order for any/all of this to happen, I was going to need a ring on my figure.

Well, at this point, you know what happened. I got that ring! And the wedding and moving plans have been in full swing. My excitement level is on high and I keep trying to hold it in check. I can’t believe that we had a plan and it is actually coming to fruition. Like most of our story, it is beyond belief… I’ve met the man I’m going to marry on a cruise and he lives in Florida, whilst I live in the north. It is beyond my wildest dreams! And yet, my mother could not understand that then, or now. (There will be more on that soon.)

Upon hearing our plan, my mother blurted out, “Well, that sounds selfish to me.” As if I could move all the way to FL and not live with him! The night ended shortly after that encounter for me. I immediately got up and left, not even sticking around for the pizza to arrive (one of my favorite things). I was furious, how could she think that I was the selfish one, I wasn’t asking him to leave his job, family, or friends. I felt like it was me, who was giving everything up.

I am still uncertain about the move. I don’t know when it will happen or where I will end up, but strangely my mother was not the only one with this kind of sentiment. I have heard the same thing from my best friend and maid of honor, as well as, my roommate. Who claimed, “that’s not what I think of when I think of marriage.” It’s not that our plan was to live apart, it was that I would move and not want to resent him for that act. I don’t want to be with him, if I am not going to have a job, and I don’t think it’s a lot to ask him to be apart from his family. Who will still be only a weekend drive away. Like any relationship, it’s about compromise and I thought we had done the best we could. This is why I’m going to marry him. There is no one better for me, and we get each other.

Please feel free to comment on this, as I would love to hear from my readers on what or how they would have handled the situation.













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