I can’t help but think that everyone would be happy and excited about the fact that I’m finally getting married. Not that I can expect them to mimic my own feelings about entering into this special time in my life. But I’m already fighting with my own emotions, , and now it’s begun, compound with my already frustrating feelings about parents’.
To start, I invited my mother and sister-in-law (bride attendant) to my dress appointment. As I am a person who watches “Say Yes to the Dress”, I knew not to expect anything like those reactions, like I have seen. Yet, their reactions were down right dismal and disappointing. The overwhelming statement was, “It’s just not you”. And yes, there were times that I concurred with their sentiment. Despite this, I was able to try on more different styles than I could have thought of. And although, I could not say “yes” to any of the dresses, I decided to invite both of them to the next dress shop.
The next appointment was definitely different from the first. To start with, my SIL, texted me to ask me if her friend could join us. I was all on board with more opinions. And the fact that I didn’t need to worry about whether the friend liked it or not! As soon as we got there, my stylist was going to us searching throughout the dresses ourselves. This was already a better feeling to me. I knew what designers I was drawn to and we were allowed to pick out dresses that each of us wanted me to try, was amazing.
I can say that, I was more sure about what I liked and wanted. And the outside opinion really helped. It came down to three and then two…. After trying them all on again, I was saying YES! A feeling that was close to tears, because I didn’t want to take this dress off. To my surprise, my SIL was the first to get up and hug me. And I think my stylist was happier for me than my entire entourage, particularly my mother.
That’s where all this planning overwhelms and stresses me out. Could my parents be as excited as they had been when I announced our engagement? That is where I’m judging them on, it’s their baseline Unfortunately, the answer is no. I have already struggled with my mother. It’s been the biggest stress so far!
We are having an engagement party at the end of April. And there have been several things that have been in question about this idea. Yet, I feel there are several friends that may not make it to the actual wedding and this would be a great way to celebrate with them. In a way, to not make them feel left out. When presenting this to my immediate family, my dad was the only one to say, “yes”. And only yes, that was meant to be a period, there was no emotion or explanation to go with that, it was simply a statement.
From my father, that was the best thing that I could hear. He really has proved that he is on board, there was no room to question his intentions. Although, it was not exactly what I wanted, because I wanted to hear the emotion they still feel about our union. This has been the biggest struggle and it shouldn’t be. My parents have know me all my life and they should be the most emotional about this, because not only am I getting married, but I’m moving, as well. This has been the hardest thing that I’ve dealt with, in all my life.
That leads to where I start to fall apart. I want my parents there for my wedding. Yet my mother has some garden to plant and has had it planned for a month or two. Well, my response to that was, “I didn’t know I would me engaged a month or two ago”. She is coming to our party, but only if she could plant seeds with honoring the dedication to kids that are not her own.
This is the part that hurts. My roommate said it best, when he said, “Maybe she can come to the next one”. It’s not just that kind of thing that makes me think, but the fact that she would not be there for our special event. That has made me question whether or not I actually want to have them at the wedding . At that is truly the saddest thing I can think of!