Making a Home…

I’ve been on a two day frustration with my fiancé. Not that I didn’t expect this, yet we have been on the good side for almost two years. So, when he asked me to marry him, I was quick to say “yes”. Despite all of that, the hard times and stress are just starting. And I have been feeling that way more than he has. Although, that’s not surprising!

The biggest thing that has to happen because of this commitment is the fact that I need to move. And I’m not talking about across town, this is 1,485 miles away. From the Midwest to the southernest and eastest state there is! Something I never been a fan of. And I have let those feelings be know all along. Yet, now we are engaged and we had come up with a plan, that I would be the one to move.

Saying that is an easy thing to do, living it is much, much more difficult. I have recently signed a six month lease on my apartment. Which my roommate informed me there is no concession to extend it more than that. So I am now, not only committed to marry a man, but going to be homeless and jobless in the matter of six months. To my fiancé, he has been unaware of the emotions that I feel about this. And in his ignorance, has begged me to tell him what I need.

Now I’m not going to get into the fact, that this has just proven,that we don’t know each other as well as I had once thought. Yet I still hold onto the fact, that for some reason we just work together so well, as a team. So back the issue at hand, I am moving for the one I love. Crazy, as it may sound, it still happens!

He has realized that he may need to step it up, because I am that one that is making the bigger sacrifice for our relationship. Yet in the past 24 hours, he has become selfish and more accusatory than I have heard from him before. Going to the point of suggesting that I work a retail job! I have been in the corporate world for more than a decade, and for him to even think that way, is unreal to me. I know what he does and where he has come from and my choice to be with him, was to let him stay with what he is comfortable with.

But what am I greeted with, nothing by misunderstanding and regression. I do not want to resent him or where I live. I can tell you, that I moved when I was 12 years old and even to this day I resent what my parents did. I even spoke to this at my dad’s retirement party. Where I am, despite my love for it, has never really felt like home to me. We moved out of state, and because my extended family is not here, there has always been something missing.

After our short talk tonight, I have asked my future husband what he is going to do to make his home feel like home for me. I don’t think that it is too much for me to ask. He has already ask me to be his wife and build a life together, so what is that going to look like. Much like, I’m planning our wedding, he should have some vision for where we are going to be once we are married, and what we are going be doing. This is the next step, well in our case, it is the step before we actually are wed. And, he needs to help with that too.

I have chosen to take on some of life’s greatest challenges and stresses, at the same time. Those that are among the top, planning a wedding, moving, and losing/finding a job, and if he cannot console me through this time, then should I really be doing all of this? Yes, I question these times that are hard for us to get through. They are the same things that will challenge us in the future, and there is no reason not to question everything at this point.

Please know, that I know about love. And there have been several things that have led me to believe this is who I’m meant to be with. Because together we have always been good. It’s the distance, that is now creating all these issues. I am determined to make this work, and I should probably tell him that. Yet, is it too much to ask of him, to help me know how it’s going to feel  like home for me?








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