We have all heard of “bridezilla”, and I’ve heard of both “motherzilla”, and shockingly, “dadzilla”. But what I have never seen or heard of is, “best manzilla”! The way that my fiancé’s best man has been acting, would fit the part, he has created more drama than I have with my own mother. There is no understanding how my fiancé’s best friend (bf) has been treating him lately. My fear is as, bf and best man (bm), he is actually jealous, possibly of me.
Now, I have been doing my best to understand and learn the most about my fiancé, but when it comes to those that we have asked to be in our wedding party, who does not want to participate? Ok, I get the person who actually does not support the couple’s reason for getting married. Yet, that’s not what I think his bf sees. I think that it’s more about his bf’s own thoughts and feelings. Maybe he feels like, our marriage is sabotaging his own personal relationship with my fiancé. When the truth is, I may be able to bring him closer to his bf, once I move there.
Just to throw back a bit, it was this same best friend that brought us together in the first place. Both my man and I, have a lot of respect and appreciation for his bf. And that is why, we are upset and frustrated that his bf doesn’t seem to want to be part of our union together. The most I know about his bf is that he, was in the military and served over seas, has a wife and no kids, obtained his real estate license, and doesn’t approve of himself or his wife having a Facebook account, or any personal pics online. With this much, he may be construed to the world as a crazy person. Yet, this is someone my fiancé has known, lived with, and been by his side all his life.
Here in, creates the problem at hand. There was no question, he would be asked to be one of the best men at our wedding. After not understanding the limitations for a bachelor party, has already stated to a mutual friend of my fiancé’s, “I’m am not going (to travel the distance) for the wedding!” Upon hearing about this resistance, my man was clearly upset, and even in tears, at the thought. They had to have a little “heart to heart” talk together. And although that ended in a satisfying fashion, there has already been yet another case of his best man’s reluctance.
I have the feeling that my fiancé’s bf/bm is not comprehending that I may end up moving to the bm’s current town, and that would eventually put both myself and my fiancé in closer proximity to his best friend, when all the wedding activities end. Despite this fact, we are facing the second contradiction from his bf/bm around our engagement party. We have planned to host the party it inthe city were his bf/bm lives. This was a strategic plan, with the best hopes that his bf/bm could come. And, at this point, that is not going to happen.
His best friend claim’s that he is going to be out of town with his wife, on the same weekend we have our engagement party. Besides that, he has told my fiancé that we could NOT stay at his house, because, “NO one stays at his house when he is not there”. Despite the fact that, my fiancé has always left a key at his house allow his bf in when my fiancé would not be home at the time his bf arrives. Although my fiancé and I have talk extensively about this, his bf/bm has not returned any of his calls/messages.
With all of our conversations, we are now trying to figure out if he really should be considered one of the bm in our wedding party. Personally, my feelings are that, he needs to be released from the wedding party completely. And although, my fiancé is only alright with demote him to a groomsman, my worry it will not send his bf/bm the message that his actions are not appreciated and have created undo stress to this process.
There is only a month to get to the bottom of this. If the conclusion is that we eject him from the wedding party, my fiancé is already has a replacement for him. From my own experience, I don’t agree with this. I was asked to be in my brother’s wedding and when my future sister-in-law (SIL) laid out, this is what I heard, “Are you going to be in the wedding? Because if you don’t buy your dress soon, I have someone to take your place.” And this was all based on the discount on the bridesmaid dresses, if purchased them within a certain time frame there was a discount. I told her, I didn’t need the savings, but the truth came out, the replacement did.
None of this has ever sat well with me, and not because I don’t appreciate a person’s honesty. But, I cannot imagine that his bf/bm would feel any different than I did. Meaning, I was hurt and broken, with feeling that I could just be replaced and didn’t matter. Somehow in someone else’s life, we are not that important, or do no have that strong of connection with the other. In my case, being my own flesh and brother.
Everything worked out in the end, I stood up for my brother and SIL, and they have created a life for themselves over 10 years. Yet, I don’t think, my fiancé has never felt something like that. And if, there was a show about “best manzilla”, the drama my fiancé’s bf/bm has shown would be perfect for the pilot! Yes, despite all of this, me and my man still find time to laugh and enjoy the planning.