The truth is, I live with a narcissist. It has been the most trying relationship that I have ever had. I did not see that side of him, when we were just friends, and had discussed living together. Yet, it has become more apparent the longer we live together. Every time I talk to him or even think about him, I have to take a deep, calming breathe. His constant fascination with his own self, has caused dealing with him, more than I could ever imagine. And that has left me with an great amount of frustration, which I have a hard time handling. Please know, this is not the man I’m going to be marrying.
My roommate and I met over 5 years ago, and even took couple trips to Packers games together. I didn’t see any issues during those times, except for the fact, that our humor doesn’t match. His family and him have more of sense of stupid humor, of which, I have never been a fan of. But this was not a point of contention, when it came to the decision to live with him. I was looking at more than that, he was clean, considerate, and single. We both where, at least at the point when we had been talking about living together. But obviously, things change.
He has argued with me about cleaning the apartment, taking space in the living room, buying groceries, even consuming more milk. And I have studied a bit about phycology/sociology, so I knew when he brought up “the milk”, that we had gotten to a point that we needed to recover from our situation. This was not something we could move on from without changing. Not that I’m a saint, but despite my abilities to apologize, understand, and move on. Unfortunately, because of his personality, he won’t be able to do the same.
Here is how to spot a narcissist… they will never say this, but the things they say and do will scream it out! “I will criticize you and I expect you to accept it, but if you criticize me, especially in public, I will come at you with rage. One more thing: I will never forget or forgive.” (www.pychologist.com) This has been so true from everything I have seen in my roommate, he is the definitive definition of this. We have had numerous confrontations, none his fault, ever! With this being said, we had a blow out this past weekend and “have to talk about that”, which has not happened yet. And I will be expected to change, not him, because in his mind, only he’s been hurt by the accusations I put on him.
I don’t think asking someone, “what happened”, should be considered an accusation, but I can see how one could. He’s not what society would consider a “normal” person, in addition to his narcissism, he is socially awkward. Again something I didn’t notice in our early times, because my personality makes most people feel comfortable. And obviously, I had done a find job again! I had made him believe that I would live with his bull$h!t, and I believed it too. Unfortunate, for me! This is probably the last straw, because I also “embarrassed” him in front of his girlfriend,
Yeah, that’s it, I didn’t try to start anything. I was simply trying to understand who/how my table got dirty dirty and sort of cleaned. But I got nothing but one word answers from him, and then the insults followed, along with the temper. When he evaded the situation by going outside, I approached his girlfriend, who only confirmed that they had not been out of his room. At this point, I had already clean said table, but yet we need to discuss this in a rational fashion again. Since, he has not forgotten or forget.